via People
• Congrats to Jennifer Aniston, who accepted the marriage proposal of boyfriend Justin Theroux this weekend. [Insert jokes about her being a spinster no more (she was divorced, jerks, not a spinster), about her having a family that isn't comprised of QVC dolls and cats (hilari-ugh), and about what Brad and Angelina think about the whole thing (most likely: Jennifer who?)]. I like Jennifer Aniston, I think she gets a bad rap on gossip sites, so for reals: mazel tov, lady. And get that pre-nup. [People]
• Justin Theroux comes from a family of literary overachievers. Jen better brush up by watching some Masterpiece Theatre. [NY Mag]
• Someone cheated on Anderson Cooper. Someone cheated on Anderson Cooper. Ben Maisani pulled a Kristen Stewart (yes, that’s a thing now) when he was photographed kissing a man who decidedly isn’t Anderson Cooper in a park recently. I would rather picture a puppy with a broken paw than a sadz Ander-Coop with a broken heart, so let’s move on, aight? [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of utter heartbreak, Robert Pattinson taped The Daily Show today, and despite not wanting to talk about That Thing, Stewart got him to admit that breaking up, like, sucks. [People]
• Ex-Aniston flame John Mayer (remember that?) and current lost soul Katy Perry were spotted outside of a house party in Los Feliz this weekend, so already he’s classing up her image. MAKE BETTER LIFE CHOICES, KATY PERRY. And for once, I’m not talking about your hair. [TMZ]
• 50 Cent dismissed Kanye West’s girlfriend Kim Kardashian with “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” and now I’m a 50 Cent fan. (BTW, check out the first blind item below. Sound familiar?) [Radar]
• Amy Winehouse’s former husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, is in a medically induced coma after he overdosed on heroin and booze and suffered multiple organ failure. Fielder-Civil’s girlfriend, with whom he has a 15-month-old baby, found him in bed gasping for air after he swallowed his tongue and choked on his own vomit. Seriously, kids: don’t do drugs. Okay? [The Sun]
via People
• OhdeargodMileyCyrus’shair. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan made $2 million this year getting into car accidents, showing up late for stunt-cast roles on TV and showing her over-exposed boobage in an irrelevant lad mag. Nice work if you can get it, eh? [TMZ]
• According to Vanessa Paradis, the reasons behind her breakup with Johnny Depp are none of our business. And she’s right. [*cough*Maybe Johnny will get drunk and spill the beans to Rolling Stone some day*cough*] [People]
• I don’t normally comment on sports star stories, but this one is so repellent, I can’t let it go without saying something, that something being “UGH.” Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson was arrested following a domestic dispute with his wife of one month. The football player headbutted his bride after she found a receipt for a box of condoms in their car and confronted him. Evelyn Lozada had lacerations on her forehead when police arrived; Johnson claims he headbutted her “on accident,” which makes total sense because I’m often accidentally roughing up my friends and acquaintances with WWE moves. So don’t be surprised when you see me accidentally DDT-ing someone on the street. [TMZ]
• Aaaand now Johnson’s lost his job. And his reality show on VH1. Seriously, kids: Don’t hit people. Okay? [TMZ, TMZ]
• Mel Gibson wants to know why everyone’s being soooo meeean to Mel Gibson. Wahhhh …. douche. [Radar]
• A girl calling herself “Stalker Sarah” visited the set of Two and a Half Men (WHY) and got a picture with Mila Kunis, who was visiting boyfriend Ashton Kutcher at work (again: WHY). [Daily Mail]
• Here’s Elton John acting like an ass. I’m sorry, I meant, here is Elton John’s ass (gulp). [TMZ]
• Blind item: “Want to know why this A list rapper has been taking shots at this other A lister about his choice of girlfriends? Because the A list rapper already sampled the other’s girlfriend and dumped her after she kept asking for money and gifts. I wonder if the woman will tell her current boyfriend about her past. Probably not, because the current guy doesn’t really care. It’s not like he is actually having sex with her.” [CDaN]
• Blind item revealed: “This former A list television actress of the 80′s has found her way into a new television show and also found her way into several of her younger co-star’s trailers. This still gorgeous actress has made it clear that she prefers men much younger than herself. In one instance she had been rebuffed by one of her younger male co-stars as she tried to make some heavy handed advances. So, she took matters into her own hands and was waiting for him in his trailer wearing nothing but a smile. Her co-star did not refuse her advances this time and even was bragging about our actress and her lovemaking skills. Well, after the bragging, our actress found another young male co-star to share her affections with also. Now, our actress is the one who is bragging and enjoying having two men who both think she is still A list. Morgan Fairchild” [CDaN]
