While watching the Olympics with my girlfriend, we couldn’t resist Googling swimmer Ryan Lochte. After watching a few disappointing self-indulgent clips, we hit the mute button and were once again in love. It was at that moment we decided to create the perfect man. A bionic man, of sorts, with bits of DNA from these not-so-perfect humans. Sexist? Probably. Silly? Absolutely. And ironically, I almost forgot to add “intellect” to my list.
Ryan Lochte’s body: His mama just told the Daily Mail, “My son only has time for one night stands.” To which my friend said, “I’ll be his one night stand every night.”
Bon Iver’s soul: Yes, this fairly recently recognized hipster played in the Tower Theatre in 2009 and has the lyrical soul of an angel. “I’m up in the woods, I’m down on my mind, I’m building a sill to slow down the time.”
Chris Rock’s sense of humor: “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. Need I say more?” Rock’s profanity-ridden dark take on being in love isn’t for all, but his unique insight and hilarious delivery makes him someone I always look forward to hearing.
Alec Baldwin’s voice: No, not the same voice that left the infuriated obscene message for his teen daughter. The svelte confident voice of 30 Rock executive Jack Donaghy (also the voice of Capital One).
And I’d be remiss not to add Warren Buffet’s portfolio.
Twitter @traceyscharmann to tell her who makes up your perfect man.
[featured image via via The Perfect Man® calendar]