• OMG, is Sofia Vergara engaged or not? She’s sporting a giant ring on her finger — that finger — and yet the actual words “I am engaged, thanks for asking, now please bugger off” have not been uttered in the direction of any glossy tabloids. What do we do now? Do we assume she’s engaged and feel the appropriate amount of happiness one can feel for a person they’ve never met, or do we go on as if we didn’t notice the ring and know nothing at all. TELL ME WHAT TO DO, TMZ, I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS. [TMZ]
• Christina Aguilera had not one but five courses of dinner with her boyfriend, and allowed her young son to be in the room at the time. You’re dying to know, so I won’t withhold: The dinner was prix fixe, included meat and fish, and cost $65 per person. No word yet on if the wine pairings were included in the cost, but I’ll let you know as soon as that information is made available. [People]
• Cory Monteith and Lea Michele also ate dinner. No word on what was consumed or how much it cost per person, but if you need to know what Cory was wearing, it was “the Alternative Apparel ‘Moroccan Tee’ in black.” [Just Jared]
• Sienna Miller has named her new baby girl “Marlowe,” which People helpfully points out is Old English for “driftwood,” and even more helpfully defines as “pieces of wood that float in the water or are washed ashore.” Thank you, People. Now put down the Merriam Webster and go find another pregnant celebrity to stalk. [People]
• Here’s a picture of Jessica Alba taking a picture of Jessica Alba and oops the universe just closed in on itself. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus has a new tattoo. It’s a quote from President Theodore Roosevelt and it reads, “So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” Crap, you guys. I think Miley Cyrus is more well-read than I. The only tattoo I have reads, “driftwood is defined as pieces of wood that float in the water or are washed ashore.” [Daily Mail]
• “What is missing from this photo of Tom Cruise?” asks People. I dunno. A contracted wife figure? Heterosexual pretense? Common sense grounded in the world of reality? (I know, I know — it’s a wedding ring, but I refuse to play People‘s silly games.) [People]
• Melanie Griffith also wasn’t wearing her wedding ring the other day, so come to any conclusions you like (I’m going with “consumed a bag of salt and vinegar chips for lunch, and couldn’t get the stupid thing back on”). [Radar]
• Jennifer Aspen has a baby now! If you figure out who that is, let me know, ‘kay? [People]
• Blind item: “We wish we had some good news about this celebrity, but there is none. His downward spiral continues. He doesn’t have much of a career left. Just a crappy TV show here and there. And – based on his current lifestyle – he is bound to lose even those gigs.
He is making a lot of bad choices, starting with his new “girlfriend”. She is also his dr*g dealer. He started doing drugs a while ago, but it has gotten much worse since she’s been around. Before her, it was “just” pot and c*caine. Now it’s the white horse. That’s right. H*roin. Every day.
We know you’re reading this, Dude. We hope you start making better choices for yourself. We suggest starting with three months of r*hab.” [Blind Gossip]
• Blind item: “This prominent lady politico is frantic to keep news of her recent tummy tuck and liposuction procedures out of the media. The conservative mom wants her fans to believe she’s all natural and stays trim by exercising daily! Can you name her?” [National Enquirer via CDaN]
[featured image: NYDN]