• Well, that was quick. Tom Cruise and Katie Homes have reached a divorce settlement. Both parties have released statements suggesting that each side is happy with the results … which means the s**tshow we all were hoping would happen won’t. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the inevitable Smith/Pinkett-Smith divorce circus to get our celebrity split kicks. [TMZ]
• Wondering why the Cruise/Holmes Battle of 2012 went down without a hitch? This blind item may hold the key. [Blind Gossip]
• Here’s the last known photo of Tom and Katie together. They look really, really … blurry. [Daily Mail]
• It’s lesser-celebrity spawning day! Congrats to Other Kardashian, who gave birth to a girl who is sure to grow up to be an accomplished, intelligent woman with good manners and zero sex tapes. [People]
• And congratulations to Sienna Miller, who also procreated. [People]
• Aaaand congrats to Sara Ramirez, Callie Torres on Grey’s Anatomy, who was married last week. I can’t wait to dismissively mention her growing of a human being someday in the future. [People]
• This is what Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds look like kissing. [Buzzfeed]
• Hey! Philip Seymour Hoffman has been cast as Plutarch Heavensbee in the upcoming Catching Fire movie, which sounds like utter nonsense unless you’ve read the book, which I haven’t, so … Plutarch Heavensbee? Really? [L.A. Times]
• Octomom Nadya Suleman is a singer now, and Paris Hilton is a deejay. And I’m the queen of Russia because apparently you can just assume whatever job you’d like now. [TMZ, TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse’s mom believes her daughter has been reincarnated as a butterfly. Tough to believe the singer had a problem being grounded in reality. [Belfast Telegraph]
• Sad news for Usher. His stepson was injured in a jet ski accident over the weekend, and was declared brain dead. Usher is battling his estranged wife in court, but they were able to put aside their differences while keeping vigil at the hospital. [TMZ]
• More sad news: Ernest Borgnine,who many thought died years ago, died over the weekend, for realsies. Borgnine, 95, was a TV and movie star, and an Oscar winner. Condolences to his family, friends and fans. [NY Times]
• Blind item: “She is not supposed to be dating for a year. But, then again, she has never been very good at following directions. So she has agreed to be set up with a very hot celebrity. The setup was orchestrated by her boss, who has a vested interest in getting publicity for both the boy and the girl.
They cut a deal for an initial four month contract – ending just before Christmas – with an option for renewal. While the couple hadn’t even met yet, their first “date”, complete with paparazzi photos, is scheduled for August. Expect lots and lots of promotional teasing of the relationship up until that point, and daily updates from the tabloids once they do begin dating.” [Blind Gossip]
• Blind item: “We always thought these sisters were close, so we were surprised to find out that they haven’t spoken to each other in over a month.
They are fighting over gifts. Sister A gave Sister B a rather expensive gift to commemorate a significant event. Sister B made the mistake of telling a mutual friend that she thought the gift was tacky.
Sister A found out and called Sister B an “ungrateful, spoiled b*tch.” A screaming match ensued, and the two haven’t spoken privately since.
No, it’s not The Kardashians.” [Blind Gossip]
