Last year, July 8th was a day I’d anticipated with great excitement and had a countdown on the calendar for, as July 8th was the date of my first ultrasound appointment for our little one to be. I couldn’t wait to see him or her and that little heartbeat flickering on the screen. After my first son’s turbulent birth, 4 years and an early miscarriage (our second, we’d had one before our son as well) I thought we were headed for nothing but good news when the latest pregnancy continued on to the 8th week without a hiccup. My prior losses always occurred before 6 weeks. I was so looking forward to the wonderful sight of that little heartbeat, that I was completely and utterly lost when the doctor furrowed his brow and squinted silently at the screen, then uttered the words “something’s not right, at best, 50-50 shot of a normal pregnancy, we’ll check again in two weeks, but it doesn’t look good.”
My husband and I sat in the room after staring at each other in utter shock. It wasn’t real, right? It couldn’t be happening. This was an alternate reality. Not our reality. We’d already had two losses and had tried for a year for this baby. This wasn’t real life! But it was. Though later appointments revealed a slow heartbeat, subsequent appointments revealed that same heartbeat fading away to silence, and history repeated itself, only this time giving us time to get our hopes up first.
This event was just one of a series of events that kicked off what so far, has been the toughest year of our lives. After the loss of our baby, came surgery to deal with that, and following that surgery came complications that required hospitalization and threatened my life. Less than two weeks after that came the red light runner, who hit me at 55mph in my driver’s side door. Throw in a house change, a company closing, a job change and you’ve got yourself a huge pot of turmoil stew.
So why am I sharing this? Why write about it? Why put it out there? Because it is July 8th again, and though I questioned whether I’d still be standing on this day, I am.
Because I’m not the first and I’m not the last to have survive a life upheaval. I didn’t think I was a strong person before, but coming out on the other side I know I AM a strong person. Stronger than I thought, and I’m not the only one. I wanted to share this in case you too are going through the toughest challenges you’ve faced, so you know it is possible to come out on the other side, even if you don’t feel strong. And in the end, you’ll be able to say, “I got through that, this (insert any given challenge here) should be cake.”
Hang. in. there.
[featured images via jessicarpath and behance/catherine jacka]