• OMG, you guys! Katy Perry is taking an “extended” break from show business to get over her divorce from Russell Brand! NOOOOOOO!! The girl is irreplaceable. Seriously, her song … uh … you know the one … is my absolute favorite. I can’t go an “extended” amount of time without a new Katy Perry song!
Just kidding. Take all the time you need, Katy Perry. In the meantime, I will continue living life not knowing the names of any of your songs. [People]
• Best wishes to Alex Trebek, 71, who suffered a mild heart attack over the weekend. Please don’t die, Mr. Trebek. I couldn’t handle it if a faded sitcom star from the 80s/90s took over your Jeopardy! duties (*cough*BobSagetDrewCareySteveHarveyRichardKarnHowieMandel*cough*. [L.A. Times]
• Jenny McCarthy has posed for Playboy for the seventh time, and the cover for the issue has just been released. The big deal of course is that McCarthy is 39, which is ancient. However, parts of her aren’t even half that old, and with Photoshop working overtime these days, she could be 109 and still look the same on a magazine cover. The only impressive thing here is that McCarthy somehow got me to spend five sentences on this non-event. Well played, lady. Now go put some clothes on. You’re old. [People]
• Today in “Not playing Christian Grey in a movie adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey” news: Chris Pine. [News.com.au]
• Paris Jackson got bangs. This is news to someone. It has to be. People would never post useless filler. Right? [People]
• Speaking of Jackson, today is the three-year anniversary of the death of her father, Michael. Fans are marking the date in the only way they know how: with an over-the-top public spectacle that makes them look like lunatics. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt might marry in the U.K. Or they might not. Stay tuned. [Digital Spy]
• Breaking: Jessica Biel has a butt. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton is a DJ now because she’s not a real person, and that’s not a real job. [TMZ]
• Jenna Jameson has been charged with D.U.I. following an incident with her car, some alcohol and drugs, and a light pole last month. I’d come up with a cruel taunt about this, but I used up all my mean on Katy Perry earlier in this post. NAPTIME. [TMZ]
• Blind item: “This actress is a solid B+ actress. Yes, you confuse with her with every other actress that is her same age and it seems like she is in a group of actresses that are all interchangeable depending on the schedule of the others to fill in parts. She did have one really memorable role that stood her out slightly from the others. Anyway, her taste in guys is extraordinarily bad. She has yet to meet a guy who has not used her for one thing or the other. Her first serious boyfriend, well she thought he was a boyfriend. It turns out she was his girlfriend when he was in town. otherwise he had another serious girlfriend in another city. She always thought she would find out if he was cheating because of the tabloids. He is a well known actor. The thing is, his other girlfriend didn’t care that he was cheating and they stayed in most nights when he was with her. No tabloids, so our actress thought everything was good. Nope. When she found out she was crushed and told herself she would never date again. Then she ran into this A list actor who said all the right things. She promised herself she would not do anything rash and would take things slow. Well, our A list movie actor fed her drinks and the next thing you know she was spending the night with him on a first date. After a walk of shame home she realized he did not give her a phone number and he never called again. So, the next time she told herself she would be even more careful. She found herself an almost A list actor. Well he thought of himself as one. In fact he calls himself one. He thinks very highly of himself. He also talks about himself in the third person. She thought it was quirky and fun. He is a solid B+ actor who would probably be an A if he was not such a pain. She made this actor wait. Many dates. He waited and waited patiently she thought. She thought they were friends. Well, they finally had sex and something changed. They had sex again and then he never called her again. Now she says that she has given up on dating and is never going to go out again.” [CDaN]
• Blind item: “This one is buzzing both sides of the Atlantic: a very famous LA name is in a love triangle.
The story goes like this: Miss Boldface, who has a high opinion of herself that is not always shared by others, has formed a fascinating friendship with a household name. Mr Very Famous has had problems in the past, all smoothed over because of kids, image, celebrity wife… the usual reasons. Mrs Very Famous knows all about this latest triangle but is unlikely to issue divorce proceedings at the moment as she has interests in other directions, including commercial ones. How long this situation will hold is anyone’s guess – especially if they read this.” [via Blind Gossip]