This week’s episode takes place in beautiful, historic Prague. I actually think I would like to visit Prague someday, so even if Emily makes me shake my head 100 times, at least the scenery should be interesting.
The hometown dates are looming in the upcoming week, which Emily reminds us in the opening moments of the episode. The six remaining men are told “this week is by far the biggest week” by Chris Harrison, as well as the fact that this week will also offer three one-on-one dates and one three-on-one date.
The first date card reads “Let’s Czech out Prague together” and is intended for Arie. Arie says he “wasn’t expecting that!” (Yeah, sure you weren’t Arie…) Arie is shown getting ready for his date, and admits after two dates, he has fallen IN LOVE with Emily. Dun dun dun! (Is that how you spell that dramatic t.v. sound effect? I hope so…)
Emily tells the viewer she is going to just pretend she is on vacation, with her husband, in Prague. See? I told you she’s picking Arie! She’s already calling him her husband.
Emily is wearing a very sparkly pair of scalloped lace shorts. They resemble a mermaid’s tail. Well, at least the top 1/6th of a mermaid’s tail…
Emily reveals that she knows something about Arie that he doesn’t know that she knows (this reminds me of that Friends episode where some of the friends know that Monica and Chandler are dating, but Monica and Chandler don’t know that they know, and there’s a whole bit about the ones who know, don’t know that we know, what we know…etc. I’m totally ruining this reference now dangit!) Moving on… the messers become the messees? Ok, really done now.
Anyway, after the commercial break, Chris reveals that in the past Arie had a short relationship with a show producer, Cassie, and a clip is shown of Cassie breaching the subject with Emily candidly. Very interesting, as my coworker points out, the show breaks the “fourth wall” of television, by making it obvious that things are produced and revealing behind the scenes happenings along with “character” and behind the scenes people interacting. Cassie attempts to downplay the issue during her conversation with Emily, but Emily insists that by Arie not pointing Cassie out and revealing the past, that he’s sneaky and a “good actor”, and she’s been made to feel stupid.
Honestly, I really feel like Emily is extremely insecure and untrusting. To be angry with Arie for not ratting out other guys early enough and for having had a past relationship, it’s just a little much.
Back to the date, and Emily is essentially giving Arie the third degree about honesty. He then reveals that he had a tattoo of his ex’s name, but he had it covered up. He still does not reveal the past relationship with Cassie, and Emily is quite bothered. Apparently, a conversation about the relationship with Cassie did finally come up, though it occurred off camera (Chris tells us this). WHAT? Things are allowed to happen off camera on this show? I mean for heaven’s sake, last season or so we saw mask guy on the toilet, but they missed this conversation that the first 30 minutes of the show built up? You are SLIPPING Harrison. Slipping.
Convo with Emily and Arie — mushy stuff — the past didn’t matter — blah blah blah, kissy-kissy moving on. Blah.
The second date card reads “all you need is love” and goes to John. Chris is bitter. He was also bitter before when Arie’s date card arrived. Shocker.
Cameras cut back to the end of Emily and Arie’s date and Arie reveals to Emily that he loves her. Emily looks like she’s about to burst into tears and possibly explode into a rainbow. More kissing. Oh, and fireworks. Duh. (How many episodes ago did I call Arie as the winner? Just sayin’)
So, sadly, immediately following Emily and Arie’s majorly romantical (yes, I know that’s not really a word, but it’s necessary here) date, is Emily’s date with John. Poor John. John is the guy who’s just so far behind in terms of the progression of his relationship with Emily, that there’s just no way he can catch up with “I love you” Arie.
The date begins with Emily and John adding graffiti to an already graffitied wall, and then proceeds the pair adding a lock (symbolic of their “eternal love”) to a gate, but it doesn’t lock. Emily draws the conclusion that the lock incident is reflective of the relationship they share, or more so lack of relationship. Honestly, I feel bad for John. He seems like a decent guy, barring the whole “call me Wolf” incident.
Camera is back with bitter Chris. Chris, you’re going home. I know we’ve got at least an hour of the show left, but dude, you’re going home. It may be next week — but, you are. I think…
As if to further add nails to the coffin that is Emily and John’s relationship, Emily takes John to have dinner in a dungeon. Emily asks what type of girls he normally dates and he starts off with “as I age…” and then sadly, Emily mentally dismisses John again. Poor John.
I hope Emily doesn’t write him an actual Dear John letter…
Wait! Wait! I called the code too soon! John makes an excellent last ditch effort at keeping himself in the game by saying he’s “not a starter, he’s a closer” and sharing his past heartbreak (opening up — clearly a key factor on The Bachelorette, regardless of season) and Emily goes for it hook, line and sinker! John is still in the game folks. At least for now.
The group date card is revealed and Sean, Chris and Doug are headed on the three-on-one date. Sean takes matters into his own hands and takes to the streets looking for her — literally shouting her name from the streets at night. (How many people are trying to sleep and pissed off at this I can’t help but wonder?) Luckily he does find Emily standing in the middle of a walkway outside. (Convenient. Very convenient.) The two share a few moments of one-on-one time in anticipation of not being able to do so on the upcoming date. Emily is saying with her words that she’s so happy Sean came to find her, but there seems to be a bit of strain, despite her attempts to convince the viewer she’s “so happy” he found her right after her other date. (If I were Emily I’d be thinking “it’s time for pj pants and t.v. in my hotel room.”)
Ok, so now we’re officially submerged in the awkwardness that is the three-on-one date. Doug compliments Emily on being a gracious host at all times, and though Emily shares that she thinks Doug is such a nice guy, she also once again questions their chemistry. They walk up to a tower together in go inside for a chat. Though Doug shares that he really wants to stick around, his body language says, “Emily is a dead bug and icky.” Emily is very aware of this, and pretty much decides right then Doug needs to head home. They walk outside together and Emily begins her goodbye speech and speaks to their slow movement and lack of shared affection, and then Doug awkwardly gets the hint (WAY, WAY too late and kisses her). So awkward I feel physical pain in my eyeballs watching. At some point, I opened my eyes again and Doug is in a fancy car, leaving.
So, now we’ve gone from three-on-one awkwardness to two-on-one awkwardness and Emily hands both men a key and says that one opens the first one-on-one chat room. Wow, this sure is reminiscent of those car keys you get in the mail that come on a postcard telling you to come down to the used car lot to test your key — the winning key gets a new car!!! Cheesy. Blah.
Blah is my word of the week I’ve decided.
The rest of the date is just a blur of boring, and Emily gives the rose to Sean. Chris is clearly angry. There is some bleeping of some swearing and Chris heads back ticked. (Why wasn’t he just sent home having not received the rose on the date?) This season just LOVES to make changes in the rules.
Speaking of boring dates, time to watch Jef One F’s date, Emily and Jef One F start by acting out their relationship with marionettes. (NO. I am not kidding.) The Jef One F marionette even tells the Emily marionette he loves her. (I’m confused — is this a real I love you? A pretend I love you? Gah. Marionettes! Really??) The date goes on, and Emily freaks over the fact that Jef One F once broke up with a girl that his family didn’t like. Then I fell asleep for a moment, decided to update my Facebook status and write an email. One of the few notable moments was Jef One F asking if Emily would want to live together prior to being married, and she says no. He also asks how soon she would want kids and she says “yesterday” which was totally
unexpected. Also, um, Jef One F says he wants to “date her so hard tonight” um WHAT?!
Going into the rose ceremony, and I’m calling Chris as the odd man out. Emily decides there will be no cocktail party and Chris decides to be a drama king. Emily begins presenting the roses, and the first rose goes to Jef One F. The second goes to Arie. When it comes time for the final rose, there is an extremely long pause, and then Chris pipes up telling Emily he really needs to talk to her. She walks out of the room with him and leaves John shaking in his boots.
Chris tells Emily he is not ready to leave and apologizes for acting “like a boy” on the last group date. When the pair return to finish the rose ceremony, Emily gives Chris the rose! I really didn’t think she’d be so easily swayed, and I truly thought Chris was done for, but sadly it was John sent packing.
See you next week, hometown dates are always good entertainment!
[featured images via blog zap2it and wetpaint]