Have I mentioned that I’m a fancy reviewer? Okay cool — just making sure everyone knows how super important I am. So, as I may have mentioned in the past (repeatedly) I get to go to these movie screenings WITH A GUEST and see movies before the rest of the citizenry does. Being the poor slobs we are, hubs and I took advantage of the most recent screening and called it “Date Night.”
Upside of a screening as a Date Night: Popcorn. Oftentimes Milk Duds are involved. Also, the movie is free.
Downside of a screening as a Date Night: Far less intimate than you might think, since the theater is always packed with about a bajillion (is too a number) other movie goers who are also using it as a poor-man’s Date Night.
That said, we arrived at the theater with enough time to grab some popcorn (AND NO MILK DUDS*glares at husband*) and sat in our cushy reserved seats (which feel exactly like the non-reserved seats except these come with “reserved” masking tape) and made chit chat with the other reviewers. We were like the popular kids in the theater; the horribly geeky, ultra elite.
Anyway, the movie …
Snow White and the Huntsman is not about the huntsmen, as in what I thought were the dwarves, because I didn’t pay too much attention to the spelling. See, I knew Charlize Theron played the evil queen, and I figured Chris Hemsworth was Prince Charming and Kristen Stewart was Joan of Arc (have you seen her in the battle armor?). And the huntsmen were the dwarves. End of story.
THIS IS NOT THAT STORY.
There is an evil queen, Ravenna — and Charlize Theron was truly amazing in this role. (Charlize, you were so good? I give you two gold stars. The foil kind, right there by your name, for your effort and talent. One each.) She is of course the most beautiful woman in the land, hands down. (DUH, it’s Charlize Theron.) But fair? Well, going by skin color alone, I have to agree with the liquid man in the mirror mirror on the wall, and say that Kristen Stewart – who played Snow White and sadly NOT Joan of Arc — wins in the pallor category.
But there are several interesting twists in this fractured fairy tale. First, the queen has a brother, Finn (played by Sam Spruell), who apparently goes to Anton Chigurh’s barber and who also helps her in her quest for immortality. See, Ravenna has to eat the still-beating hearts of her beautiful victims in order to retain her good looks. (How she survives the red meat bloat is beyond me.) And naturally when she takes over the kingdom from Snow White’s dad (King White?), she keeps Snowy locked in a tower. You know. Like you would.
The story truly begins when Snowy escapes AND NOT because she is a weak female and needs her vampire boyfriend to save her, but because she is a strong female and gets out of the mess all on her own. She escapes to the dark forest where virtually no one will go because it is probably the most scary forest in the history of ever, and it takes Ravenna’s threats and promises to
Thor The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) that he will once again see his dead wife. WHAAAAA? The Huntsman is a widower? Ravenna is all magical-like and it’s really the only plausible way to get the dude to chase down Snowy in that gawd-forsaken forest.
BAM. There you have it. The plot moves forward with a reasonably strong script, interesting characters (to whom very little attachment is built EXCEPT to Charlize’s character) and through an amazingly awesome set design/special effects storyland.
Word of warning: This movie is scary. Like, way too scary for small people, and not at all charming and delightful like the Disney version of this fairy tale. Oh also? This is not the Disney fairy tale. Snow White kinda saves herself, and with a little help, challenges a kingdom. It’s a great role for Kristen Stewart’s eyes, because they actually get to act and not look stoned/sleepy all the time. In fact? I really liked her in this role.
In fact? I really liked this movie. I’d see it again. On my A/F scale? I say A. Give it a look-see; it’s enjoyable, even when not on a free Date Night.